You’ve undoubtedly heard people say parenting is the most difficult and the most rewarding job you’ll ever have.
Being a mom is hard.
Being a mom right now? Even more so. We’re with our precious children 24/7, without much (if any) time or space to do our own things. We’re helping our kids with school work and virtual meeting schedules and technology. And many of us are balancing all of that with working at home and trying to find toilet paper and hand soap.
And we’re doing a lot of it alone. This is hard.
On one hand, all this family time is strengthening our bonds with our nuclear families. My kids are playing together, making up silly games and having Mario Kart tournaments and building forts.
On the other hand … it’s a LOT of family time (amIright?). In between those moments of bliss, the kids bicker. Whine. Complain. I bicker, whine, and complain, too (hey, just going full-disclosure).
There are beautiful moments when I feel immense gratitude for this life and, I’ll admit, moments when I wish I could run away and join the circus (just for a day or two). Sometimes, in one day, or even in one hour, I feel a range of emotions so varied and so intense I think I’m losing my mind.
SO much family time. “Smile. Hug. Act like you love each other.”
One of the most important things I’ve learned as a mom is that we’re all in this together.
This became evident from the moment I learned I was pregnant the first time. It was a surprise. I worked as a reporter at the local paper, and I was sitting across from my co-worker and friend. I mentioned how tired I was and how hungry, and she said, “You’re pregnant.” That night, I went to her house and took a test. Sure enough – two lines. She became like a mentor to me – she even helped me breastfeed in public the first time, tucking a blanket around my shoulders in the booth of a restaurant while we had lunch together.
A few months after my first son was born, I joined a local moms’ club, and made fast friends with a core group of other moms. We’re still close friends to this day. Some of us talk several times each week and text almost daily, and there are seven of us who go on annual adventures together. When we’re together, we talk about everything: kids, husbands, hobbies, jobs, parents, siblings, pets, current events … anything and everything. Each of us walks away from our conversations reassured that we’re not alone.
Two of my best friends live far away – my high school best friend lives in Reno, and the first friend I made when I moved to Arizona in 2003 lives in San Diego. We talk regularly, sharing stories and advice and updates. Even after all these years, we have so much in common. It’s a comfort that we know each other so well, and that we’ve seen each other through so many wonderful times (weddings, births, and more) and so many tough times too.
As my kids have gone through school, I’ve met even more wonderful friends. We can discuss homework and teachers and friendships and cafeteria behavior and field trips. We can commiserate about teen hormones and back-talking and kids outgrowing their pants so fast we can’t keep up.
Perhaps the most important “friendships” of all are those with the women in my family. Although I don’t have any sisters, I’m so lucky that I love all my sisters-in-law. My brothers have wonderful partners, and we’re all raising our kids together. We all love each other’s kids and together, we’re making great memories. The women on my husband’s side, his sister and his brother’s wife, are wonderful aunts and sisters-in-law, too. My mother-in-law is the sweetest and most supportive. She lives in Alaska and we don’t see her nearly often enough, but she’s just about the most cheerful, optimistic person I know.
And of course, when it comes to my own mom, I’m beyond lucky. She’s always taken such good care of me and my kids. She’s more than willing to run one kid to dance picture day so I can watch another kid wrestle, or to pick up something from the store if I’m running low. She helps my nephew with his homework every week, just to help his parents, who both work full-time. It’s in her personality to help others, and it’s one of her best qualities.
So today, on Mother’s Day, I want to say thank you.
Thank you to my friends, for listening and sharing adventures and advice.
Thank you to my sisters-in-law for loving my kids and letting me love yours.
Thank you, too, to the moms I don’t even know, for doing your best–because we’re all doing our best, aren’t we? Thank you to the moms who are barely holding it together, and to the ones for whom everything seems to come naturally. Thank you for that smile in the grocery store, reminding me that I’m not alone in this. Thank you to the birth mothers who placed their babies for adoption, and spend this day each year knowing another mama is raising your child. Thank you to the foster moms who care for children when they need it. Thank you to the moms who lost their children at any age, and who brave the world with kindness even after great loss.
Thank you to my mom, for always being there, for being the main pillar in the most important support system.
Thank you to ALL the moms, for walking alongside me on this journey. We are all in this together, and together, we are helping to shape the future. You’re doing a great job.
They say motherhood is the ultimate form of hope.
And when we’re together, hope is inevitable.
Happy Mother’s Day.