The Decision that Changed My Life

Last summer, we bought a new car.

Our old one was on its last legs: the odometer was approaching 200,000 miles and it needed some repairs that would cost more than the car was worth.

During our trip to Alaska, we borrowed an SUV from my in-laws’ friends. We LOVED it and when we returned home, we decided to buy one just like it.

The first one we found was IT: it had everything we wanted, including extra cargo space.

It even had some things we didn’t realize we wanted (like seat coolers). Perhaps the most significant of these bells and whistles: automatic running boards.

When you open a door, the running boards come down. When you close the door, they fold up against the body of the car.

You may be wondering what in the world running boards have to do with the decision that changed my life. I’ll get back to that.

First, let’s rewind a bit – maybe two years or so.

My husband and I have three kids, who are all school age now. We believe in keeping them busy. Sports and activities have so many benefits (that’s for a whole different post).

For the past two years – before buying our new car – I ran my life in complete overdrive. I do value efficiency, for sure, but I suffered from what another writer recently referred to as “productivity-itis.” (Genius, right?)

It was no one’s doing but my own. Every day, I wanted to squeeze as much as I could into every hour. My day was scheduled, to the minute.

If I knew I had to leave the house at a certain time, I’d put so much pressure on myself to complete a to-do list: laundry, dishes, a blog post, another work project, vacuuming, you name it. And if, for some reason, something unexpected happened (a phone call, a kid staying home sick, an unplanned-but-important errand), I would feel SO STRESSED.

On weeks when I wanted to go to school assemblies or presentations or whatever, I felt a little resentful. Why would the school schedule a spelling bee and awards assembly during the same week? Why in the world does the school have an early release every Wednesday?

If I had a friend’s birthday gathering in the evening, I’d often be scribbling a message in her birthday card at stoplights on the way to the restaurant, stuffing her gift in a gift bag in the parking lot.

If one of the kids took a little longer than I planned when we were leaving the house, my heart was racing with fear that we’d be late to wherever we were going. Traffic would frustrate me, and I’d grip the steering wheel like my life depended on it.

When we got our new, beautiful car this summer, and I saw those running boards, I imagined how stressed I would be, waiting for the running boards to come down each time I had to get in the car.

My first thought when seeing this luxurious add-on was that I didn’t have TIME for that.

Can you believe it?!

That’s when it hit me: things needed to change.

I realized that in all of these things—being angry at myself for not getting EVERYTHING done, being angry at other drivers for driving too slow, scribbling hasty birthday messages, rushing my kids CONSTANTLY—I wasn’t being the person I want to be—at all.

So, right then and there, I made a decision:

I decided that I would no longer feel that rushed, stressed-out feeling. I decided that I would re-structure not only my days, but more importantly, my mindset.

Within a couple of weeks, I noticed my entire life had begun to change. I was able to enjoy those in-between moments, and all the wonderful things in my life: my kids, my husband, my family, my health, my writing, my friends. I had more space to breathe, and I felt happier and way less stressed.

This Christmas, one of my dearest friends bought me a day-by-day calendar about blooming into the best version of yourself.

Here’s the quote from January 2:

“Do not move on to a new year without letting go of something significant. An old idea, label, habit, fear, concern of ego. Let go to free up the whitespace for something new to enter.” – Brendon Burchard

Although I made my Big Decision in August, this quote really resonated with me January 2.

I let go of that habit of cramming every single day so full that I could barely breathe, that I felt completely stressed if I was “off schedule.”

When I did, I was able to refocus on what’s really important to me: quality time with my family and friends, having fun with my writing, and enjoying all the small things that make life rich.

This doesn’t mean my personality has totally changed. I still value efficiency and being on time and getting stuff done.

But when things don’t exactly like I planned—for example, if I don’t get around to hanging that picture I’ve been planning to hang, or if I don’t get around to writing that blog post I wanted to write today—I’m much more forgiving of myself and the world.

When that rushed, stressed-to-the-max feeling starts to creep in, I remind myself that I’ve decided not to feel that way. Sometimes it takes several deep breaths and a few moments before I let it go, but I do.

Here are some of the tangible things I’ve changed to reflect my Big Decision:

My daily to-do list is much shorter. Whereas I used to expect myself to complete my work, do laundry, do dishes, vacuum, go through my kids’ clothes, go for a run, and read, all in one day, now I choose one or two of the most important things.

I’ve stopped committing (to myself) to projects or events that will add stress or take up too much time on already-busy days. For example, I used to make very intricate snacks for the kids’ class parties (like a watermelon cut into the shape of a monster with a gaping mouth, situated on a platter with fruit salad spilling out of that gaping mouth). No more! I buy something pre-made or have my kids make something more creative if they want to. I used to go to evening events on the same nights as our three kids had practices in three different places at the same time. I still go to some, but because they inevitably make me feel rushed and stressed, I skip most of them. Instead, I catch up with friends one-on-one for coffee or lunch.

I’ve started asking the kids to do more to help around the house: dishes, laundry, taking out the trash, packing their own lunches. Last week, we started having each child choose and cook one dinner per week.

I’ve asked friends and family for help (which I always had a hard time doing, before), whether it’s picking the kids up from school or driving one kid to her event while I’m at a different event with a different kid.

Now that I’ve lived with my decision for a few months, I’m telling everyone about it – because it’s changed my life so dramatically.

In today’s world, so many of us wear busy-ness like a badge of honor. And we are ALL busy. But being busy shouldn’t stop us from enjoying that which we work so hard to cultivate (which it was doing for me).

Now, even though I have the same 24 hours in each day, and the same seven days in each week, I find that I spend much more time feeling fortunate, like my life is rich … and it really, truly is.

I’d love to hear your take on this. Is there anything you could let go of – a habit or a mindset – that might improve your life?